Monday, December 3, 2012

I Have Found the Rock Anthem for the OSR!

Lads & Ladies, I present to you "Dungeon Hustle" by Mississippi Bones:



"Dungeon Hustle" by Mississippi Bones

Bring on your goblin hordes and band of orcs,
hulking zombies and kobolds.
No gnoll or troll gonna slow me down oh no.

Dodecalicious ever vicious.
Oh so many possibilities when I swing.
Armor class won’t mean a thing
'cause again and again, every time my friend
the outcomes always the same.
I roll the die of 20 sides
and cleave your ass in twain.

Because I’m rolling 20s like a 68 Impala.
AC doesn’t matter, critical damage from my war hammer.
I throw the big 2-0 against every single foe
and they’re crushed by the force of my mighty blow.
I lay em low, yeah I lay em low.

There’s a bugbear down there, I ain’t scared.
Gelatinous cube, split in two,
reduced to ooze, I can’t lose.
Go ahead, boy, make your move,
'cause you're all fodder for the slaughter,
Don’t need no modifier to compensate.
It’s too late, icosahedrons sealed your fate.

Because I’m rolling 20s like a 68 Impala.
AC doesn’t matter,critical damage from my war hammer.
I throw the big 2-0 against every single foe
and they’re crushed by the force of my mighty blow.
I lay em low, yeah I lay em low.

I’m rolling 20s like a 68 Impala.
AC doesn’t matter, critical damage from my war hammer.
I throw the big 2-0 against every single foe
and they’re crushed by the force of my mighty blow.
I lay em low, yeah I lay em low.

I’m rollin 20s, I'm rollin 20s.
I’m rollin 20s, I'm rollin 20s.
I’m rollin 20s, I'm rollin 20s.

I got 99 problems, all of them goblins;
I suppose at least a bitch ain’t one.
Yeah I got 20 reasons right here
I don’t need luck to be no lady tonight.

I’m rolling 20s. I’m rolling 20s.
Had a dracolich trying to break my stride,
so I chucked a war axe right between his eyes.

Been gaining on a dragon’s ass since two days past.
He’s terrorizing towns, burned them to the ground,
but I’d be moving quick if I was that son of a bitch now,
'cause every day I’m hustling.
Just one perception check springs every trap that’s set.
Oh dungeon masters hate when I sit down to play
'cause I’m rolling 20s.

Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

I’m rolling 20s like a 68 Impala.

Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

I’m rolling 20s like a 68 Impala.

Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

I’m rolling 20s like a 68 Impala.

Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

6 comments:

Tim Shorts said...

That is pretty good. I like the old 70s keyboard vibe its got going.

mwschmeer said...

Definitely has that Southern swamp rock thing going on!

mwschmeer said...

Note: technically, a perception check isn't written into old school rules, but many a DM would ask you to roll one on the fly (or roll one for you if they were truly old school).

Trey said...

Well, there you go. :)

mwschmeer said...

The whole album is pretty damn good, too. This is track 9 of 10.

rorschachhamster said...

"I’m rolling 20s like a 68 Impala."
That's pure genius...

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